I’ve been holding my breath.

Biting my nails.

Sitting on the edge of my seat.

Waiting for my editor to read Reborn and give me a thumbs up.  Yeah, I know, you probably are thinking what most everyone thinks:  Please, you are an experienced writer.  You’ve written twenty something books, you don’t worry anymore.

But you and all those other people are wrong.  I still worry.  I still fret to the point it wakes me up at night.  I guess you could say in a way I’m a little like Della in this manner.  She acts all tough, nothing can hurt her, she’s not afraid of anything.  But down deep, she is afraid.  She’s afraid of a lot of stuff.  And in Reborn, in her point of view, you learn about Della’s own demons.  Things that keep her awake at night.

And like Della, most of the time I put on a good front, I pretend I’m a writer who knows what she’s doing.  Someone confident in her established career.  Someone wise beyond her years.  And I know, I’m not clueless, but dad-blast it if I still don’t deal with a whole boatload of insecurities every time I send a book in.  And then magically it’s as if a negative gremlin living inside my head, starts tossing out self-doubt by the crap loads.  Things like: What if this book really sucks?  What if you only thought it was interesting.  What if nobody, starting with your editor, cares about your plot?

But I have learned that sometimes admitting our fears, voicing them, can actually help us cope and help us quiet that dab-burn gremlin.  And sometimes hearing that other people deal with insecurities too can help us deal with them.  Perhaps, feeling insecure just makes us human.  Well, not just human, because all my supernaturals feel it, too.

I think, besides a few lucky people, most of us deal with some kind of insecurities.  And I’ll even venture to say that on occasion, that gremlin makes me try harder to improve myself.  So maybe it’s not all bad.  Maybe it’s somewhat normal.  However, as normal as it may be to be afraid to fail, we cannot let that fear of failure stop us from trying.

What are you afraid of trying? Do you have one of those gremlin living inside your head telling you that you might fail?

Update:  I heard from my editor and she likes Reborn.  Revisions are light.  So take that you negative gremlin!!!

12 thoughts on “Insecurities

  1. I voiced my worries, too. When I was taking Writing classes, we were given one last assignment: write a cover letter. I worried so much that I rewrote it 2 or 3 times. But then, during class, my classmates said they thought it was good (except for the insecure lines) and asked why I kept sending in new versions.

    Anyway, I’m waiting for “Reborn”. Funny thing, though, is that China is known for their own version of vampires. And now, you’re writing about a half-Chinese vampire girl. At least she’s not blind and zombie-like, so that’s a plus. Would’ve hated if she turned out to be one of those.

  2. I have a couple of major fears… First one is silly to some I can not be in a car when it is foggy out…bad accident and even though i know no white van is out in the fog i just freak out…however since 2006 i took the first step and drove home in it… Go me!! Second is failing my kids and being like my mother…no more needs to be said about that..
    i know i am just a fan but i need to tell you how much hearing your blogs inspire me. I have a reading diablity and before your books and your Christy Craig books I felt like a failure and hated reading. Finding your books and hear how you beat yours made me start pushing myself to read more and more so thank you!!
    Julie S (street team member and proud of it!)

    • Thank you, Julie!!! You keep fighting those gremlins! I have faith in you. And I think the scariest thing I’ve ever done was mothering. Writing is easy compared to that. Just love them.


  3. I am afraid to try a number of things. Lately it has been driving. I am afraid that something is going to happen to me. I have major anxiety issues so when I overcome something I get really excited. I show no fear outside but on the inside I am scared and just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!
    I can’t wait to read reborn. Ahhhhhh!!!!!! I’m soooo excited. CC Hunter you are one of the best authors that I know….. You are AMAZING!!!!!!!

  4. I get scared of a lot of things. but i try hard to ignore my fears and still do them. like talking in front of people. or trying some new things. the negatives get in my head and ruin me. but that wont happen anymore!! if you can ignore yours fears like kylie then i can too!!!

  5. I have to go to high school next year and right now we are planning our schedules. My brother is a sophmore and says i should take biology advanced for my freshman year, my science teacher also said she would help me get into the class, but i dont know if i want to. I remember my brother really struggling with it, and he is smarter than me. I dont know if i should risk it, or take the safe path of regular biology.

  6. I’ve always been so scared to fail. At school, mostly, but it’s a lot for me. I’ve been a straight A student my whole life and my parents always push me to do my best. I feel like if I get a B that my mom will be disappointed, and sometimes she is. A “B” to me is an F. I’m also insecure about my brace. I have to wear a brace on my foot because of an accident I had that left me with drop foot. I hate that I have it because people stare and it makes me feel like a freak. I try to ignore it, but when people are constantly staring at it, it makes me mad, sad, and insecure. I hate that it does that to me. I didn’t ask for it, but it’s something I have to live with.

  7. I’ve been writing a book lately and every time I read over what I have so far, I fear that I’m not good enough. That my work is not good enough. I’m young, which I fear makes my writing sound juvenile, even if I use sophiscated language and vocabulary. I don’t know, seems that that gremlin in my head is giving me doubts about myself. This post helped me feel better though. Just knowing I’m not the only one feeling nervous or insecure about something makes the gremlin quiet a bit 🙂

    Thanks CC

  8. I’m afraid of many things. I’m afraid of doing bad in school because I’m usually a good student. I’m afraid of failing my piano exam. I’m afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. The list could go on forever. CC I truly believe that you could never write a “bad” book considering how amazing your writing is. Sometimes we are afraid for nothing in other peoples eyes, but in our own eyes its our worst nightmare.

  9. CC I cannot imagine you being insecure about your writing when we all love it so much! I cannot wait to read Reborn, so excited for this next step of books that you are writing! The older I have gotten the more anxiety/fears I have lately (can anyone say height fear) I do not know where it came from but it manifested several years ago. Keep up the great writing. I love your books and your down to earth blog posts!

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