The Mother Daughter Influence

Recently, I purchased some travel-sized hair spray to take with me on my trip to New York.  There was one line on the back that read:  Do not use this product while smoking.  

My first thought was who would do that? Then bam! I was suddenly yanked back into the past watching my mom fix her hair, holding a cigarette between her fingers, while spraying her hair. Thankfully, I never picked up the smoking habit, but as young girl, I loved watching my mom get dressed up. I remember she had a mole, or as they called it back then, a beauty mark, on her left cheek. She would use an eyebrow pencil to color it a little darker.  

And in my mind, I can still see her push out her left cheek as she colored the beauty mark. I remember wishing I had one like hers. I recall getting into my mom’s makeup once and attempting to give myself a beauty mark.

I think most little girls grow up idolizing their mom at that young age.  I know I did.  I watched her, studied her.  Wanted to emulate her.  I wanted to walk like her, look like her.  I wanted boobs like her.  I can honestly say that growing up, my identity as a female was in many ways driven by my mom.

Now as I grew older, I found my own style. Today, my mom still loves big bold prints, and I go more for solids or small prints.  Mom colored her hair red for years, the most I do is add a few highlights. But still, who I am today is in part because of my mom.  In fact, the reason I never smoked was because I saw my mom attempt to quit smoking.  She would cry and tell me how badly she wanted to quit, but how desperately she wanted another cigarette.  Also, she was deathly afraid of spiders, and I share that same phobia.  So I guess you could say I acquired some of her fears and learned a few things from her struggles.

And because my fiction is so reflective of my own life, you see this mother/daughter connection in my books.  In Three Heartbeats Away, Riley realizes how much she’s been influenced by the memories of her mom.  She wears her hair long because her mother did.  Her favorite color stems from the color her mom often wore.  Her style, her outlook, her love of art, is all connected to the women she loved and lost when she was only four.  Even the car she drives is due to seeing an image of her mom with the same car. 

Do you see how your mom may have influenced who you are?  In what ways are you like your mom?


Today I’ll give away a T-shirt to one person who tells me how their mom influenced them.  (Sorry, but this giveaway is for U.S. residents only. And if you are reading this on Goodreads, you must go to my blog to post your comment to enter.)


The winner of last week’s giveaway is Lisa Ray. Congratulations! Please email me at and send me your postal address.

6 thoughts on “The Mother Daughter Influence

  1. I didn’t get to see a lot of my mom growing up. She worked a lot because she was a single mom. She taught me how to cook (very little) and I still cook those to this day. I think it’s because those meals/foods mean more to me than the food I learned to make all on my own.

  2. Like you I wanted to look and act just like my mom as a child. We were super close, my love of sports (mostly winning) came from her, getting lost in a good book, and an thirst for knowing about everything. She was my everything. She is loved by everyone when I was in college she had knew more of the kids that. I did (perks of being a waitress). When my father passed away it’s like I lost my mom too, now we are like to ships passing in the night. Where she is loud I am quite and where she sees adventure at every turn, I see the chance to be responsible. She married very quickly after my father passed and I moved to Texas shortly there after. But I did get my wish I look exactly like mother only taller, we just don’t act very much alike anymore.

  3. My mom, to put it lightly, is a neat freak! Everything needed to be clean and tidy growing up and now I find myself the same way for the most part. Although I relaxed some as I got older and had roommates because I got tired of cleaning up after them lol! I also would play dress up with her clothes when I was younger and try to put on makeup like her. I have also learned patience from her, but mostly because she is super impatient and it bugged me growing up. I’m glad she got me into reading though! She always read to me when I was little and as I got bigger I would wish for the day when I could read grown up books like the V.C. Andrews novels that lined her headboard. I loved the covers when I was little.

  4. My mom ingrained in me the importance of believing in the things most people do not. That it’s ok to be diffrent as long as your honest and true to yourself. Mom is the 1950s cheerleader ,car racing, lots of friends and boyfriends. With a daughter who would rather be the loner then the center of attention. She is always the it dont matter what you feel like inside just throw on a little makeup and a smile. One thing she really left in me is to believe in my children when noone else does.

  5. I love my mom to death I remember when I got my first period she told I was part of the blood club then she took to go get some ice cream. She also told me that I could put if p.e in school because if “cramps”. Love you mom

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